I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
