I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
