he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
