I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
