I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
