your parents love me but you hate me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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