i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
