Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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