We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
