brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
