At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
