So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
