sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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