if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
