I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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