I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
