Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
