Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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