It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
