Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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