Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
