What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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