dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
