Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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