is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone signed my nipple.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
