Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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