just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
