I am puke
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
