Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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