Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
