her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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