I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
