i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
