New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
