How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
