ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
