just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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