just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
