i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
