Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
