No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
