How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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