hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
