that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
