Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
