My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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