everyone is single if you try hard enough
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
