I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
