Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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