I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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