My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize