Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
