He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
