whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I will die if light touches me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
