At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
