My brain says no but my pants say off.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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