Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
