This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
