we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
