Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
